You are there! As a couple, I mean. You live together, plan to buy a house, to have children maybe even is it already done. Only one evil remains. You are afraid of being abandoned. And the worst thing is that you are ashamed of this thought!
But you can reason, reassure yourself, talk to these sempiternal friends nothing is done: it seems cruelly real that the loved one can leave you at any time. Yes! Contrary to what we think, this fear is not only reserved for the beginnings of the romantic relationship and may very well come later.
Fear of abandonment: not so obvious origins that it
That’s a real question! Where does this uncontrollable fear of rejection come from? It must be admitted that like many of our problems, it finds its source in our childhood. A mother overwhelmed, a father little present, the arrival of the little brother or the little sister, or the death of a close to whom we held particularly strong or even the age that passes.
You see, these situations are every day and are not always emotional abandonment! Whoever we are, we have all known in our childhood a separation. However, we are not all equal in the face of sadness, and some have experienced these logical events (although tragic) as real traumas.
This should not be held responsible. They have not been able to accompany you in all serenity in your separation process. But think about it now, maybe they too, just like you, could not manage it.
How to get out of these headaches?
Unfortunately, there is no cure for this evil. Because it is not one! It is perfectly normal to be afraid of being abandoned. Rather than wanting to restrain this unpleasant feeling, learn to accept it.
Do not let the preconceptions that have been the vehicle of literature and television for so long, decide your behavior. Because yes, this society would have us believe that our emotions must be perfect, beautiful, and silent, just like our bodies or our couple.
By its image fixed on the functioning of our emotions, it would make us believe that it is reasonable to be independent and especially invulnerable. Do not forget, we are human, and as such, we must accept our fragility, our uncertainties, our doubts, and our fears which is good! To all these evils one solution: communication. Restart the dialogue with the beloved on what distresses you, and you will see that the “big monster under the bed” was only a “pile of dirty clothes”!